Monday, October 6, 2008

The Struggle For Self-Respect

I'm reading an excellent book at the moment. It is called, "Raising Cain", and I highly recommend it to anyone who works with boys, whether it be as a parent, teacher, youth leader, mentor, etc. I read this last night:

Most boys, despite feelings of anger and pain, are quieter students of emotional suffering. They long for love, acceptance, and approval from their parents and peers. They struggle for self-respect.


While I was reflecting on this quote, I couldn't help but to think of my own past experience of growing up a boy. I don't believe that I was a "quiet student of emotional suffering", but that doesn't mean that I didn't suffer. I think I tended to be a little more loud, and tended to act out as a result of my emotional suffering. My issue was not so much that I kept things in (though I certainly did that), but that I often acted out in anger and had a wild, uncontrollable temper.

With regards to a boy's longing for love, acceptance, and approval - I couldn't agree more. To this day I still long for approval from my father, and from others as well. I guess you could say that I'm a people pleaser. This longing for love and approval has definitely shown itself in my marriage.

The sad truth of the matter is that this quote is not only true, but I've come to see that parents, especially dads, often fail to show the love and approval that their sons so desperately need. Every young man longs to hear somebody, really anybody, tell them that they are proud of them. Until educators, mentors, youth leaders, etc. get this, I fear that we will continue to see generations of young men who will turn to anybody or anything for the approval they so desperately are searching for.

1 comment:

Chris Brown said...

Every few years as we are reunited, I walk away more impressed with the man you have become and proud and honored to have played a part, ever so slight, of of that growth.
Good post my friend.

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